My Dears!!!

Wait! Stop! Don't run!!!! I know it's been a long time since you've seen me.... But Listen!

I'm asking you to ignore all the probability and statistics here, because I know that the story books will tell you that if I'm writing to you there's a better than good chance that I'm probably one of 3 things....

A) a brain chomping zombie
B) infected with some cliche ResidentEvil flesh eating virus
or C) a sinfully sexy Vampyre who you're longing to have possess your mind and take sustenance in the fire in your veins.

...I can promise you with my deepest sincerity that the first two idiocricys are not only laughable, but quite insulting; and while I refuse to lower myself to debunk the third option merely to soothe your anxiety and calm your fears... I will allow you to play games with your own minds in regards to its validity. Trying to stop someone who insists on believing that they're safe, dull lives are untouchable; or that regal intoxicating beings that can poison your mind and have you begging for their slightest touch... is far beyond anything I can even stretch my limits to find interesting. Hehehe. Consider your continuing denial a gift, in honor of my rising again; Enjoy laughing in front of your computers at the utter hilarity of my ridiculous science fiction reality, and make note in your memory of what a silly drawn out joke that I'm capable of making.

Remember to tell me i gave you a good chuckle the next time you see me.

...and I'll remember to tell you it was nothing compared to the guffaw I had at your expense in return. ^_^




Either way... I hope the epic opening I entertained myself with has at least put a buffer on your shock levels and calmed you down to normal panic attack status, because it's the only thing your getting from me to snap you out of your zoned out gaze at the computer screen and pick your jaw up off the floor. Now it's time to round up the whole gang, hang up streamers, bake a cake, and make a beer run (or two). Thats right my devoted followers... in the immortal words of Leonardo Leonardo.... I am come home!
Yes, I know I've been gone for what seems like a thousand years and you feel neglected and abandoned, but trust me when I say that you'll get over it before to long. Not only has it really not been that damn long at all, but the magnificent slumber I took in my coffin..... eeeerrrrr..... my comfy bed, has given me needed time to rest and rejuvinate my creative juices, refill my vault with sintilating topics to get your brain a buzzing with, and has pumped my olympian ego back up to its usual monstrous state, and soon you'll all be back to ripping your hair out of your heads with annoyance just praying to your assorted gods and dietys that I catch the black plague and go the fuck away. Just like the good old days Tehehe.

For those of you who are merely my average run of the mill fans you can probably stop reading now and go back to watching whatever disturbing genre of pr0n tickled your fapping fancy before I interrupted you with my glorious return, the rest of this entry will probably just sound like an adult in a peanuts cartoon to your mediocre web browsing brains. Thanks for letting me steal you away from your marijuana and/or your mothers tit in order to fill up a few minutes of your otherwise wasted life up with a refreshing taste of insanity. Be sure to check back often, and remember.... its really my generic cookie cutter fans that keep business up and running. You guys make all the hard work and imaginary sweat worth it. Without you I would be nothing. Thank you, and please get out of my face now.

For those of you completely obsessed stalker types who need to know my every move and thought please stay seated and take a breather until the rest of the auditorium clears out. Not that you would do anything but that even if I released the rabid mongoose that I personally armed with laserbeam eyeballs and sharpened rusty corkscrews on you.... but I feel the need to invite you to stay nontheless. For you ridiculous folks, the partys just about to begin... and if I let you leave now simply to save myself the trouble of extending an invite, I would be forced to hurl myself into the "EPIC FAIL host bin". And I simply can't have that... now can I? No no.

So if you'll please shift yourselves up to the front row seats in a neat and orderly manner we can begin promptly following everyone elses exit. Please feel free to indulge your sticky fingers in the stealing of a souvenier for your shrine to me while you wait... I promise, i won't tell. ~_^








Alright Ladies in Gentlemen.... are we ready to resume?
*glances around suspiciously*

Pst. Are all the DeviantART groupies gone?....
...is it just the serious freaks and geeks left?
......I mean, does everyone still present have their journals out ready to take notes? Are you willing to take a written test after this is all over? Are you that serious about being involved in my life story? Do you have to know the method behind the cookoo-banana madness from which spills my masterpeices in order for your life to make sense?

Yes? Really? THANK GOD.

*kicks off shoes. messes up hair. lights up a smoke*

Seriously guys, I didn't think I could stand to pretend to keep up the charade of polite personable gratitude anymore. One more gracious word from my idealized fingertips and we'd begin to reach radioactive. A woman can only blend in with the mass of pod-people artists and "geniuses" that swarm the DeviantART planet for so long before she starts to go postal on people, you know? It's insane the things I go through to please my public. I mean really?

"Be sure to check back often, and remember.... its really my generic cookie cutter fans that keep business up and running. You guys make all the hard work and imaginary sweat worth it. Without you I would be nothing."

Look at that slop? You guys knew better right? You didn't think I'd gone soft or anything? Eh? I knew I could count on you crazed lunatics. ^_^

For real though.... they're all gone right? No stragglers lurking on the other side of the refreshment table making small talk with eachother? I certainly hope not. If you spot one and you wouldn't mind skipping over there and just snapping their neck for me.... I'd be eternally greatfull. I'd even acompany you on the deep sea fishing trip afterward. We could some little debbies and a bottle of rum and make a holiday out of it! Just.... keep watch, mmk?


Jeebus it really has been a long time hasn't it. I'd almost let myself loosen up a little to much. Forgotten how much fun I used to have when I was younger.... I'm pretty sure if you still have your plump asses glued to my auditorium chairs you're probably one of the lucky stars that was fortunate enough to know me back in my rowdy days.... I guess thats why I consider you to be the chosen crowd here to understand just where i've been these last few months. I assume when you here me say where you understand I don't mean physically so much.... but mentally. In reality even if the riffraff of people who happened upon my gallery and found it fascinating enough to read my journal in their spare time stayed around to listen to me shake off the propriety and get gritty about my life and my work, theres not a single one of them who despite all their wishing to get inside my head, could put themselves on the same wavelength required to get there. You guys.... ya'll are the only ones that are ever gonna be there.
It's not like you know me better or anything.... I wouldn't call you my friends. Friends are the kind of people that you feel the need to impress, the kind of people you don't want to dissapoint. Friends are the kind of people you censor yourself for.... or even go as far as to edit yourself. You guys are more like my buddies. I don't really talk to any of you, and we never hang out, but when I run into you at walmart, or chat to you in a blog, or right a journal for you to read... I dont feel the need to tread lightly. I don't find myself changing things for you without even thinking about it, and I don't feel the need to be nice to you just because thats what I know I should do morally. Strangely enough... it's only you guys that I ever find myself being nice to for no reason other than I know it will make you smile. I call you guys on the phone or text or email you, be it daily or every great once in a while.... just to tell you a joke or because something I saw at a garage sale reminded me of you; And we never really talk about anything important, or anything at all, because it doesn't ever become necessary to bring anything real into the conversation just so that we both feel like we've made a connection with another human being; Because without confirmation, without another human being to say the words "thats exactly what I said" we would be so unsure of our own reality, thoughts, opinions, beliefs and so unsure of ourselves that we would be completely incapable of waking up every morning.
You and me..... we're the kind of people that don't require affirmation of self in order to know that we ourselves are on the right track, that we're good people. Not a damn one of us needs to hear from someone else that were not going to end up in hell....

...Basically what sets us all apart from the rest is not that were closer, or we know eachother better than the next person; It's the simple fact that until your relating to a person whos reassurance you aren't clamboring for, a person who equally- isn't grasping wildly to hold onto your approval too... it's impossible to be yourself around them. It's impossible for them to get inside your head, or to really hear you.

Speaking on the subject at hand... friends can read and appreciate the beauty or disgust of the words of a poem, or be awe struck by the way the light hits an angle in a photo, or the colors blend and swirl in a peice of art; But only the person I've called a buddy, the person I imagine is reading this, can be struck to laughter or tears by the work behind the flowing words or paint strokes. Only a buddy can take a work of art, in any medium, and feel it.... the same way you did when it exploded out of you with chaos and power and purpose.

My buddies are the only people I post on this trendy cyber-portfolio for...

In belated but eventually short, the only reason it even matters that I'm back from the dead, so to speak. It's not for the sake of having a place to express myself, or to get come cherished feedback from the tit suckling folk...

It's for you guys. My Buddies. Got it? ~_^

I thought so.

Oh.... and for those of you still clinging on for dear life who weren't actually involved in THE POINT and just sat around scanning the depths of my writing for the answer to that deadbrained where was I question....

I leave you with a thought to try and wind your pretty little pea sized brains around strictly for my own sick twisted amusement at being responsible for your migraine headache. ---

The great Douglas Adams described for us in his wonderful Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, an occurence of God "vanishing into a puff of logic". Several years ago I had a life making experience that I could only call myself vanishing into a puff of illogic. Ever since that night... my life has been a mushroom cloud of logic. A never ending puff, if you will..... and during my mysterious dissapearance, I reached an equal and opposite reaction to the one that lead to the beginning of my conscience life. The lowest pinnacle of my existance. I vanished into a puff of illogic, again. The first time around, I puffed myself into learning that I had to have logic and sense in a previously kaotic life.... the second time around, I puffed myself into an even deeper realization that I had sought after TO MUCH logic. I puffed myself firmly into the realization that I had understood, questioned, and theorized to much.... and I was rushed with the knowledge that I very much required a relationship with the unknown, the confusing, the unsolved riddle; Because I had been living what was the very beginning of my life, in what can only be described as an old womans mind.... I discovered that while I was so worried about finding a way to grow up, and be an adult, and act my age; What I really needed to do was grow young, for the very first time in my life.

And THAT.... is exactly what I'm doing. <3

NEW STUFF UP NEXT WEEK.